Courtroom Quotations

Wednesday

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. You can see all of them by clicking here.

  • Lawyer: " Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: " Did you check for blood pressure?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: " Did you check for breathing?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
  • Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
  • Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
  • Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."



  • Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
  • Witness: "Four times."



  • Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."



  • Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
  • Witness: "Oral."
  • Lawyer: "How old are you?"
  • Witness: "Oral."



  • Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
  • Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
  • Lawyer: "It was covered?"
  • Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
  • Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
  • Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."

Submitted by Gaurav Jain

1 opinions:

Hahahahahaha, hilarious :)

Sorry for the delay on answering your proposal to do a link exchange but I've been on holidays. I have added this blog on my blogroll. Please add mine as soon as you can. Thanks.

BlackWyrm said...
29 August 2007 at 5:00 PM  

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